@Real_Dick_Head: Establish dominance by sitting close to the buffet and growling every time someone walks up to get food.

@Contwixt: My 1-year-old thinks turtles say "vroom vroom." I hesitate to correct her because who knows what's what anymore? Maybe turtles are fast now.

@panku_: Why do infants wake up crying as if they are the ones who have to go out and work!?

@_youhadonejob: Not the best name for an apple employee.

@KimmyMonte: by age 35 you should hate at least 4 neighborhood kids