
People with fireplaces look at you funny when you say “oh I see you have a s’mores maker”.
Kanye deleted all the slander like we didn’t have an hour to grab screenshots and make power point presentations
People with fireplaces look at you funny when you say “oh I see you have a s’mores maker”.
A friend just texted me from a trans-Atlantic flight saying folks are on their hands and knees looking for not one, but THREE missing cats on-board.
Just thought everyone on this website would enjoy that
Most homophobes are secretly gay. However, most arachnophobes are not secretly spiders.
Fred: let’s settle this once and for all!
*fred rips my face away revealing bloody skull*
Velma: he wasn’t wearing a mask!
Fred: I know.
I wondered why everyone said I had “bed hair”, until I looked in the mirror and noticed a tiny mattress on top of my head.
DOCTOR: I have bad news
MAN WHO WOKE UP FROM 5 YR COMA: I don’t mind as long as I get to see my favorite gorilla from the Cincinnati zoo
just got mad and flipped a table but it spun all the way around in landed right side up. everyone in Applebee’s is clapping
age 14: guys, watch this i’m gonna jump off this wall [eats absolute shit and gets up like its nothing]
age 25: [googling ‘is the way i’m wearing my guitar strap hurting my back’]
Man: “If I did not know about God and sin, would I go to hell?” Priest: “No, not if you did not know.” Man: “Then why did you tell me?”
There is a button on my microwave that says “super clown” and I do not ever push that button