When you ask her
“Have you ever read Shakespeare?”
And she answers
“No, who wrote it?” ….
Kanye West compared his relationship with Kim Kardashian to Romeo and Juliet. So we won’t have to deal with them too much longer, you guys.
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NYC parks department on naked Trump statue: “NYC Parks stands firmly against any unpermitted erection in city parks, no matter how small.”
I have discovered that theirs no popcorn in popcorn chicken. I guess there’s no point in bothering with hash browns then.
Me: What are you up to?
Her: I’m making Chinese.
Me: Cloning’s unethical. Hahaha just kidding. Make me a math tutor.
I’m not sure but I think the family from Honey Boo Boo is just a family of bears that were shaved down and shown how to shit indoors.
Stop playing that stupid game and pick a Netflix movie Arthur!
Vampire who is obsessed with his diet.
Biden: I took a Staples red button & wrote “Nukes” on it
Biden: Tweets to him in Russian when pressed
I’ve had a lot more interest from women since I’ve been forced to wear a mask and I don’t know how to feel about that.
Professor X: So what’s your power?
Me: I can heal immediately-
X: Oh, we already have someone that can do that.
Me: -from any emotional wounds.
X: That’s dumb. You can’t join the team.
Me: I’m completely ok with that.