I’m thinking about starting a car service for dogs called the Scooby D’uber
Karate Kid (1984, PG): An old Asian man tricks a bullied teenager into doing household chores for him.
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They call me the Titanic because I once went down on a bunch of Irish peasants
I literally got fired from a job for not knowing what to do with my hands when I talk. I guess sign language interpreting just wasn’t for me
Prosecutor: I object
Me: No, you a person
Judge: On what grounds?
Me: The courthouse grounds
Judge: I’m ordering you-
Me: Hi Ordering You, I’m Dad
Judge: Bailiff, take him out
Me: That’s flattering but I’m married lol
We only have world peace today thanks to the tireless efforts of thousands of former beauty queens who didn’t give up on their dreams.
Men ask us if we’re naked when we tell them we’re taking a bath. THAT’S why they pay more for their car insurance.
Sold my wife on ebay. Dreading the buyer feedback.
I’ve been trying to figure out why I overslept today. Just realized drunk me set my calculator for $7.30.
Boss: Any final questions for our applicant?
Sphinx: *eyes blazing like searchlights* Three sons have I and-
Boss: WORK-related questions