@Jandalize: Karma is my daughter bragging about getting to sleep late this week and forgetting to turn off her alarm.
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@TheCareBare: "Baby last night you were so hot, let's do it all over again this morning." -me, speaking to this leftover pizza.
@Mr_Kapowski: [walks into 4D ultrasound office] Receptionist: Uh sir. This is for pregnant women Me: I just want to see my burrito again
@UnFitz: Her: Going out with the girls. Me: Please give my best to the coven. Her: Me: Did I say that out loud?
@MotherJonestown: STAGES OF DRUNK: 1. Wow. I can dance. 2. All hats look GOOD on me. 3. Shhh. Don't wake up the cows.