“I’ll take the Batmobile. Robin, you take the–”
[Robin doing up laces]
“The Batskates, yeah I know.”
Keep reaching for the stars but get a better deodorant.
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Some cardinals and some ordinals walked into a bar, but the ordinals walked in first.
This guy texting in metro besides me keeps covering his phone, like I care about his dinner plans in CP with his girlfrnd “Shona baby”
*loses faith in humanity*
“this is the type of problem that can only be solved by 13 photos of unlikely animal friendships”
My college girlfriend texted me for the first time in 10 years this weekend and I’m 1 million percent sure this is Adele’s fault
Historians say teenagers in medieval times would send an average of 180 tiny scrolls by raven per day
[running away from killer]
KILLER: YOU’RE GONNA TRIP ON YOUR SHOELACES THEN I’LL GET U
ME: MY SHOES ARE VELCRO
So instead of doing laundry I just spent 2 solid hours ranking my laundry baskets from favorite to least favorite.
My favorite exercise after a heavy meal is regret.
Went for a handshake and got snubbed. So I turned it into an impromptu Macarena dance, since I didn’t wanna look stupid