@CantWaitToNap: Keep the mystery alive and continue to surprise your partner by using chloroform to induce disorientation.
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@JervanF: I can't wait till I have kids so I can drive slowly past McDonalds and tell them there's food at home when they ask for some..
@markhoppus: [extreme taylor swift ‘look what you made me do’ voice] it’s captain kangaroo it’s captain kangaroo it’s captain kangaroo hey look it’s captain kangaroo
@AndyAsAdjective: [texting] you mean the wolf to me -wolf? ha! autocorrect fail! -lol what i meant to say was...you're a mean wolf to me
@daemonic3: me: i'd like help with my taxes accountant: ok what state will you be filing them in? me: i'd say anxious accountant: no i mean what state have you lived in this year me: oh sorry, depressed