Keep yourself entertained during quarantine by taking daily mail comments and putting them on New Yorker cartoons to create your own satirical comics.
You Might Also Like
[first day in hell]
Satan: WELCOME TO ETERNAL HELLFIRE!
Me: ugh, thank god, my feet are freezing
Satan: HAHAH- what?
Me: *cuddling under a burning blanket* so cozy
Satan: wait, where did you get the hot cocoa?
Giving someone the finger while driving used to mean a lot more when you had to manually roll your window down to do it
“Your optimism for the future makes me think you’re not paying attention.”
My mum: It’s a baby shower. Just write “congratulations”.
Denied candy because I “didn’t wear red”. Kicked out of the office because I “didn’t wear pants”. I’m tired of these Valentine’s Day rules.
This might be me.
Follow me for more tips.
Husband: I love you.
Me: I have a boyfriend.
Cerebral exploration with this Q tip.
(child accidentally being born in butcher shop)
Shirtless mother: what should we name him?
Father: um..*looks around room* a..bra…ham
Who called it a psychic reading instead of prophet sharing?
Me: uh oh someone’s under the mistletoe!
Raccoon I’ve cornered in the garage: [hisses angrily]
Boeing: we fixed all the problems
Passengers: is that Flex Seal?
Remember the old ‘yawn and stretch’ move in the cinema with your crush?
I’ve been given feedback that I mention my favorite serial killer too quickly at social events.
There’s aggressive driving and then there’s a parent who is late for a school drop off driving.
“Be the change you want to see in the world. ”
Me: Cool, can I be a 10 and two 5’s?
Kissing someone mid sentence is only cute in movies. I will press my hand against your face and slowly push it way until I’m done talking.
You know you’re too drunk to drive when you swerve to miss a tree then realise it was your air freshener.
Nine out of ten people aren’t the tenth person.
“You never forget how to ride a bike” sounds like a dare to me.
Honestly I bet the inventor of the cannon would be relieved to know that they’re mostly about t-shirts now.
Spotify keeps trying to automatically lower my volume. I’m jamming Fireboy’s album fgs, to hell with my eardrums!!!
God: welcome to heaven. here’s your wings.
Adam West: [putting on batman cowl] I won’t be needing those.
I can’t believe someone had the audacity to tell ME *gestures wildly at self* that I’m dramatic
A newly wed guy asked me about marriage. I told him it’s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can’t really touch anything.
Hate it when I bring someone back to my place for the first time and all they want to talk about are the corpses.
Welcome to your forties! You’re gonna need several doctors, no matter how many apples
“A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered drawer .”
Unless the girl is hot, when she asks how I want my hair cut, I’ll say “In silence”
don’t eat yellow snow is a pretty sound rule but i would warn against eating any kind of weather
Women do not want to hear what you think..
They want to hear what they think..
In a deeper voice……