Ke$ha looks like a character I would select in Mortal Kombat

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According to WebMD, I have a Client Error due to 400 Bad Request.


I want to know what ideas were so bad that “horny cows” made it on the billboard


When someone asks for advice about dumping their partner, they don’t mean in the woods.

I know that now.


I saw a car flipped over on the way to work and I was envious because they probably get to take the day off


I just want to make you hot. Mess your hair up. Get your blood flowing. When I chase you around the house over the last piece of pizza.


One side of our sink has a garbage disposal. The other side is where my daughter just dumped a full bowl of cereal.


Googled woodworking. Broke my coffee table down and built a birdhouse. Desk is now a birdhouse too. Pretty much everything’s a birdhouse now


My plan to entomb myself like a pharaoh in a pyramid stocked with everything I’ll need in the afterlife is in jeopardy because I keep eating all the Oreos.