Real Road Signs
(What they mean)
(Unattended orange cone zone)
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date: [walking out of the theater after seeing happy feet] that was so cute
me: [has a foot fetish] it was fine
Me: GUESS WHO BOUGHT A MEGAPHONE?
Neighbour: Get out of my house!
Me: You’re not even guessing.
My foot just now fell asleep which means I’ve finally gained its trust.
Age is just a number? I stole $100 from your wallet and replaced it with a $5. Don’t worry, they’re just numbers.
Boss: Are you sleeping?!
Me: Well I *was*.
Hey girl, heard you really like pandas
*Seductively eats bamboo*
Best thing about drinking in downtown LA is that if u need a bathroom, it’s all around you
[sitting on park bench]
homeless guy: I’m so alone
me: okay wow I’m right here