@QwertyJones3

KFC hitting the cannibal market

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@SteveKoehler22

Real Road Signs
(What they mean)

“Rough road”
(Road sucks)

“Construction zone”
(Unattended orange cone zone)

“Lanes shift”
(Confusing af)

@captainkalvis

date: [walking out of the theater after seeing happy feet] that was so cute

me: [has a foot fetish] it was fine

@thejamietighe

Me: GUESS WHO BOUGHT A MEGAPHONE?

Neighbour: Get out of my house!

Me: You’re not even guessing.

@trustedshoe

My foot just now fell asleep which means I’ve finally gained its trust.

@jon_albo

Age is just a number? I stole $100 from your wallet and replaced it with a $5. Don’t worry, they’re just numbers.

@GrantTanaka

Best thing about drinking in downtown LA is that if u need a bathroom, it’s all around you

@imskytrash

[sitting on park bench]
homeless guy: I’m so alone
me: okay wow I’m right here