@AimeeHelene1

Kid behind me on plane kicking my chair and coloring.

*turns around*
*grabs one of his crayons*
*slowly breaks it*
*whispers “you’re next”*

Kid behind me on plane kicking my chair and coloring.

*turns around*
*grabs one of his crayons*
*slowly breaks it*
*whispers “you’re next”*

- @AimeeHelene1

You Might Also Like

@LionJenkins

Rolls down car window.

Throws caution to the wind.

Spends an hour cleaning caution off the side of the car.

@thatUPSdude

Devil: I want your soul!

Me: Not for sale!

Devil: Name your price.

Me: Fix all my typos.

Devil: Too much work, keep your soul.

@bambimygirl

I thought the dryer made my clothes shrink. Turns out it was the refrigerator.

@TheRolo

STAND-UP COMEDIAN: you know how after sex-

ME: [stands up all mad] this isn’t relatable at all

@Mom_Overboard

Stop being friends with whoever says you can’t twerk to Led Zeppelin.

You don’t need that negativity in your life.

@fowlerism

SUPERMAN: *putting on a bird costume with airplane wings* Now to really screw with them

@CulturedRuffian

Waiter: Would you like regular or decaf?
Me: Do you want me to tip you with real money or Monopoly money?

@Pro_Jones_

Me: *describing criminal* Well he was kind of *muffled laughter* “sketchy”.

Police Sketch Artist: *sighs heavily* Get out.