Learning spanish is bloody hard. I wish the english had conquered more of the world, I’m suffering from their laziness
DAD: Yes, son
KID: What is the true meaning of Easter?
DAD: Well my boy, when someone wants to go very, very East they g-
KID: Never mind
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Boss: “late again I see”
Brain: think of a good excuse!
Mouth: “your moms late.”
If bank website ads have taught me anything it’s that white people love drinking coffee as they pay bills online in an empty loft apartment.
When I’m looking for a parking spot I turn the radio down because clearly I can see better when it’s quieter…
Life tip – buy a birthday card with your morning bottle of wine and people will think it’s a gift.
You are welcome.
What do you hear?
Don’t make my same mistake. See the signs. Make a change.
Please don’t come to my garage sale if you’ve ever let me borrow something.
If someone you know is stressed out, be sure to tell them they need to relax. You’d be surprised how many people hadn’t thought of that.
Just spent a nice relaxing hour on facebook, writing “you Two look fantastic!!” on all weekend selfies with three girls or more in it.