@TheToddWilliams

KID: Dad?

DAD: Yes, son

KID: What is the true meaning of Easter?

DAD: Well my boy, when someone wants to go very, very East they g-

KID: Never mind

You Might Also Like

@AlfKilledMyCat

Learning spanish is bloody hard. I wish the english had conquered more of the world, I’m suffering from their laziness

@NervousJr

Boss: “late again I see”

Brain: think of a good excuse!

Mouth: “your moms late.”

Brain: wow….

@DaHess1

If bank website ads have taught me anything it’s that white people love drinking coffee as they pay bills online in an empty loft apartment.

@SteveInevitable

When I’m looking for a parking spot I turn the radio down because clearly I can see better when it’s quieter…

@EllenPallas

Life tip – buy a birthday card with your morning bottle of wine and people will think it’s a gift.

You are welcome.

@jenlaw_11

Don’t make my same mistake. See the signs. Make a change.

@mjkspeaks

Please don’t come to my garage sale if you’ve ever let me borrow something.

@longwall26

If someone you know is stressed out, be sure to tell them they need to relax. You’d be surprised how many people hadn’t thought of that.

@sozjalltheway

Just spent a nice relaxing hour on facebook, writing “you Two look fantastic!!” on all weekend selfies with three girls or more in it.