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@TuSoonShakur: kid: let’s go to disneyland
dad: fair enough
kid: no, disneyland
@AsgardianRose: In third grade a boy gave me a valentine that said "You're the Obi Wan for me" and that's the highlight of my entire dating experience.
@Shot_Of_Cabo: "Wanna fool around while the baby is asleep?" I ask to the woman next to me on the plane who I've never met before and whose baby is asleep.
@TrashCave: 2032:: Scientists force bees and birds to mate, just for kicks.
2033: The Bumblehawks reign supreme.
@squirrel74wkgn: [makes eye contact with guy on bus]
Him: *opens flip phone*
Me: *pulls out cordless phone*
Me: *stretches out metal antenna*
@shutupmikeginn: "Are you already hot as shit? Then you'll look hot as shit in our glasses" - Every glasses ad