Kid, texting: MOM I’M HUNGRY!

Mom: *sends food emojis*

You Might Also Like


Marriage is like sitting in a wobbly chair, it’s annoying but you’re settled and too lazy to find another seat.


Her: I’m hungry. If you loved me you’d give me breakfast in bed 😉

Me: *hands her my emergency poptart from my pillowcase* only because ily


What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.


cop: thanks for saving us but why is your underwear on wrong

superman: lmao they’re not on wrong


superman: wait is this wrong


Picture me eating dinner.
Louder. Drunker.
Even more backup dancers.


ME: *shifts slightly in bed*
DOG: *races across house* IS IT TIME TO GO OUT NOW?


I’m supposed to wear a blouse and slacks to an event. This looks like a job for FuneralPants.


She left me because I am insecure.

No wait, she’s back.

She just went to get a glass of water.


I’m dreaming of getting rich like my father.

Wow your dad must be a rich man.

No, he too is dreaming of getting rich.


Mitt Romney has decided not to run for president. In other news, I have decided not to become a billionaire or play in the NBA.