Me: *walks to counter* One large fry.
Cashier: Sir, there’s a line.
Me: Oh, they’re not with me.
KIDNAPPER: all of my demands are on the table
POLICE CAT: for now
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The training begins.
me: i wish i were the most beautiful person in the world
genie: ok [snaps fingers]
me: [blushing] omg nothing has changed
genie: i tried but you’re just so ugly
Don’t tell me where I go when I die, I want it to be a surprise
What do you do when you’re soul searching and can’t find one?
19 showed us what he has learned at college when he asked “can we drink screwdrivers while we are opening presents?”
*stands on scale at doctor’s office*
*takes off coat*
Me: As a descendant of Genghis Khan, I am more than comfortable on a horse!
Kid: Mister, you have to put a quarter in for them to go around
This fishing rod sucks. I have yet catch a single oyster.