It’s not the end of the world. But at least it’s a start.
Kids are so dumb u think Santa’s elves made that PS4 yeah right like Sony would ever let that happen learn basic copyright law u lil shits
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your honor my client would like to plead oopsie daisies
ME: my son ran away
COP: we won’t rest until we find him
ME: [swiping LEGO aside with both feet] no rush
“Hi I’m Dave and I’m an alcoholic”
“I’ll be your captain today. Our flight time into Phoenix will be 3 hours and
I wonder what song The Little Mermaid was singing when she viciously ripped a clam in half to make that cute bikini top
“Have any questions?”
Think the 3 Little Pigs hired the Big Bad Wolf to blow their houses down to collect insurance money?
Doctor: “I’m afraid you have loser says what disease.”
Me: “Is it serious?”
Each time a person sneezes on an airplane, that sneeze circulates the entire airplane cabin before being filtered out by vents.
When my wife and I married we both agreed we would never go to sleep angry.
Neither of us has slept in 16 years.
If you’re sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat right next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, “Did you bring the money”