Kids….because who doesn’t enjoy a fun game of “What the hell is that smell and whose room is it coming from?”

You Might Also Like


My doctor had a plate of McDonalds food that was a year old to show people that it never rots.
The burger was dry but the fries were decent.


Keep your friends close and your enemies under the front wheels of your vehicle.


It’s been 4 years since my job interview.

I’m beginning to suspect they chose someone else


ME: *packing my bags*
WIFE: let’s talk about this
ME (still mad she didn’t get the cereal with the toy inside): theres nothing to talk about


Me: I’ll take one insurance

Insurance salesman: It doesn’t work like that

Me: *shoving $12 in his breast pocket* your best one, please


Me: the eagles won last night

Co worker: oh did you watch the game

Me: *covered in blood and scratches* what game


In a coffee shop ask the person next to you to watch your laptop, but don’t leave. Put on netflix and binge spongebob with your new pal.


[Job Interview]

Boss: What is your best trait?

Me: Procrastination.

B: How is that a positive?

M: I’ll give you my reasons. Later.