EVERYBODY ON YOUR FEET!!
Me: Not a chance
WAVE YOUR ARMS!!
OKAY YOU GUYS SING!!
Me: WHOSE CONCERT IS THIS?
KIDS: [from the kitchen] dad…may we have ice cream?
ME: no you may not
K: dad…may we be forgiven if we already had ice cream?
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me: [flicking through memory book] aww and this is my first pet, hammy the hamster
gf: you know you could have just taken a photo
I can relate to blenders because I also scream while I’m doing my job.
If the cup is only half full, I suggest you buy a smaller bra
When someone’s all, “Words cannot begin to describe …” I’m all YES THEY CAN YOU HAVE A LIMITED VOCABULARY.
Priest: Do you take this woman to be your wife?
Me: “I do”
Priest: Ok can you say it again without using finger quotes while you do it
Apparently telling the principal that “it’s not cheating, it’s cooperative learning” was the wrong thing to say.
DRONE BEE: I feel like she’s just using me
20,000 OTHER DRONE BEES: [nodding] I hear ya, bro
QUEEN: Back to work, handsome
DRONE BEES: [blush]
Keep yelling “dance!” and shooting at my feet, tough guy. I studied tap for 9 years and you’re going to look like an idiot.
Just saw you on the beach and think you might look better in something that covers you a bit more. Like your car.