@Mr_goose007
@LucyLouMcB
Me: “What’s the haps, yo?”
19yo niece: …
Me: …
19yo niece: …
Me: “I’m sorry.”
You Might Also Like
@LucyLouMcB
@Pork_Chop_Hair
Me: wow this scratch n sniff sticker smells really good
Him: thatโs my bandaid
@MsTexas1967
Everyone’s allowed one Tolkien pun just don’t make it a hobbit
@SamGrittner
“Your gun and your badge. And your gun. And your gun. And your gun. And your gun. And your gun. And your gun. And your gun.” – Octopus Police Chief
@mattytalks
A very busty woman whispers to me “I want you to tell me if these look real” my eyes widen, then she takes out pictures of the moon landing
@sarapascoe
When people write to tell me I’m not good at comedy, I reply “Well you’re not good at fan mail” then we all laugh &they are proved wrong.
@sirmunchie
Me: I’ll write u a haiku!
Her: I’m just impressed u know how to spell haiku.
Me: *deletes “how to spell high-koo” from browser history*
@E_lok44
Pro tip:
If you really want to make an impact, always have a mouth full of saliva before you “shhh” someone.
@Six_Pack_Mom
Me, to kids: “Yes, I’ll play, as soon as I finish my coffee.”
(Genius! We all know parents never get to actually finish a cup of coffee.)
@mrjohntofu
Gift cards are another way of saying, don’t spend this on dope.