@kateleth
Whatever you need to tell yourself, Amazon
@treydayway
Kids these days won’t get the trauma of passing notes in class and hoping nobody reads it until it reaches the recipient.
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@kateleth
@GrowlyGrego
Dear Abby,
My pastor insists that being gay is wrong, yet he ends all his letters with the words “In Him”
Help!
Perplexed in Poughkeepsie
@omgthatspunny
If a dog has puppies in a public place, can they be arrested for littering?
@chuuew
ME: [slowly peeling back sock] It hurts so bad doc, is it gangrene?
DOCTOR: [leaning in with tweezers] Hmm, I see, it appears to be… a red Lego
@KissabiX
[helping my only child do homework]
5: can you help?
Me: I’m awful with numbers
8: pleeeeeeeease
@hipstermermaid
Do you like Taco Bell? Then you’ll LOVE real food!
@StevieKnip
Who called it a Spanish teacher instead of an instruction Manuel?
@Tmoney68
I always feel a little guilty when a bum catches me eating food out of the garbage because I want to, not because I need to.
@dyldonot
[girl brings me back to her apartment]
her: come to bed
me: just one sec [velcro noises] [more velcro noises] [too many velcro noises]
@ItsAndyRyan
“The N stands for number – so no need to say ‘PIN number’.
“Terribly sorry, I’ll start again: ‘You’re dead if you don’t give me your PIN’.