@Reverend_Scott [car in front of me stops to turn, forcing me to slow down slightly]
ME: I hate you
@treydayway Kids these days won’t get the trauma of passing notes in class and hoping nobody reads it until it reaches the recipient.
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@Reverend_Scott 
@iAmDelFreaky They should fill the airbags with confetti to make car accidents more fun.
*crashes vehicle*
“OMG, my legs! Hey, a party!”
*dies smiling*
@MafiaJoker78 *Leaves home for the day…
*Fears I left something behind
*Runs inside to see baby playing with my phone.
*Grabs phone & leaves.
@nice_sugar_girl When I get new followers I lean in close and whisper to their avi:
“You’ve chosen wisely, Grasshopper.”
@theshantilly Husband: Quick. What’s this song?
Me: Awful.
@3sunzzz As I sit in this coffee shop practicing for my Sign Language final it occurs to me, all of these people probably think that I’m talking to myself.
@david8hughes Darth Vader: Luke, I am your father
Luke: really?
Darth Vader: yeah. Why?
Luke: you have the voice of a heavyset black guy is all
@DomesticGoddss Me: I’ll be ready in 2 minutes!
7: YOU SAID THAT A THOUSAND TRILLION MILLION YEARS AGO!
Looks like neither of us really have a grip on time.
@tsm560 Real doesn’t scare me, real stupid does
@curlycomedy Clue is a wonderful game that teaches children about murder.