HER: What are you doing on your phone?
ME: An update
HER: What update?
ME: Not much, what up with you?
Kids: We’re hungry!
M: Dinner when mum gets home
K: She’s away for a week
M: OK, when I’m done tweeting
K: (sigh) we’ll wait for mum…
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sometimes when I think that I might be about to do something stupid or ill-advised, I think of grandma’s last words to me: “don’t unplug that”
When I’m mad at my dog, I watch dog shows on Animal Planet and ignore him.
My wife just yelled at me for not warning her that I was about to sneeze if any of you are thinking of getting into a relationship.
I’ve invented a loaf of bread that says ‘Good Morning!’ in German.
I’ve also invented one that just says ‘Morning!’ in German, that’s the guten-free version.
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