@dshack8

KiK? Nope. I only joke about divorce. I’m not committed to it actually happening.

You Might Also Like

@BadassBarbie11

Why don’t they just use a 3 year old with a drum set as an enhanced interrogation technique?

@WigCannon

your call is important to us. like, super important. we all bought new outfits for this call. dave is wearing a wig

@CandyEmpires

Dating you makes me want to be a better person. So I can date better people.

@myles_morrison

I can tell everything I need to know about a person by how they cut their sandwich.
Diagonal = normal
Straight = serial killer
No cut = dad

@yonewt

Searching for that special woman to share my interest in candlelit dinners, walks on the beach, and losing my shit over inanimate objects

@thepaulahunt

Def Leppard: Pour some sugar on me.

Definite Leopard: Place precisely two teaspons of sugar directly in my hand.

@mattZillaaaa

It’s almost that time of night where I drunk text my ex “I have to tell you something” then shut my phone off.