Dr. Oz says rubbing coffee grounds on your naked body prevents cellulite. But apparently you can’t do it in Starbucks & now the cops are here.
*Killer sneaks into my house to murder me but sees me practicing karate w/ my big stuffed dog I won from the carnival and changes his mind*
You Might Also Like
“Are you insane? Did you escape from a mental institution?” he flirted.
Instead of a promise ring, I wear an onion ring
I’m saving my appetite for something pure
Hell hath no fury like a 5yo who didn’t get as many pepperoni pieces on his pizza slice as his brother.
Calm down penguins. You’re just a flashy suit and a few body parts away from being a platypus.
When someone’s ignoring me I like to break into their house at night and steal all their shoes.
We’ll see how busy you are tomorrow.
I also do all my own stunts, but never intentionally.
Sorry that I took a picture of my armpit and tried to pass it off as my thigh gap.
If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
*holds door for someone*
Them: This weather…
*starts pulling door closed on them*
T: *pulls on door*
Me: *holding door closed*