@kelkulus: Kim Jong Un has upgraded himself from "Leader of North Korea" to "Supreme Leader of North Korea" by adding sour cream and extra cheese.
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@texasstalkermom: I only have Facebook to keep track of where everyone I know is going to be, so I don't show up there.
@Mom_Overboard: [INTERVENTION] Them: You're addicted to Doritos. We think you need help. Me: THIS IS NACHO PROBLEM
@Home_Halfway: "Can I buy you a drink?" Sure! What's your name? "Uhh. I don't know. I never get this far" You don't know your name? *sweats* Pants are cool