Kim Jong Un is 30, runs a dictatorship, executes ex-girlfriends, and openly threatens to annihilate the US. What am I doing with MY life?

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Sloth Dad: i got some fireworks to celebrate your birthday

Sloth Son: um dad my birthday is four months away

Sloth Dad: okay I’m lighting them get ready to run


Don’t look at me like that, Barbie. We’re both stuck in this playhouse.

Just drink your tea.

The toddler will tell us what to do next.


Eating cheese right off the block then realizing you’ve eaten too much so you eat a bunch of chips makes it like nachos, right?

Hey, fellas


Someone on my FB posted a snap that said “I’m boared”

And I’m just like…….
*don’t comment
*don’t comment
*don’t comment
*don’t comment


Made plans to exercise with a friend and now I have to go get in a car accident.


The self-esteem powered car! Come take it for a drive

ME: uh okay *gets in*



I love hoodies because maybe I work out, maybe I ate 4 whole large pizzas last week. You don’t know.


Landlords be like “it’s an old building” alright then I’ll pay old rent, here’s 20 bucks it’s a fortune