You guys are going to lose it when the Identity Theft Mosquitos get here.
*knock at the door*
“Hi, i’m not a mouse”
“Phew, that’s good because im a large block of cheese, lemme just open thARGGGHHHHHHH
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I have to go stand in line at Gamestop now because I had a careless night of unprotected sex 13 years ago and Halo 5 is out today.
I may be weird, but everyone needs a buddy who will show up at 2 a.m. and help get the dead zebra out of the septic tank without judging you
[A snowman sees a sign for a snowblower]
Oh hell yeah
Me: Thank you.
Me: I lost my virginity to Barry White.
Her: Really? What song?
I know this place will prepare my taxes competently–they have a guy dressed as the Statue of Liberty waving at passersby.
-no one ever
Give a man a fish, he eats today.
Teach a man to fish, he gets drunk in a boat.
My computer is frozen. Unfortunately it looks like moving my mouse around in circles did absolutely nothing to fix the problem.
Never pee with the door open, it totally freaks out the other motorists.