[knocking on the castle door during a battle] My boss said you guys have to give all our arrows back now

You Might Also Like


She : You have a girlfriend.
Me : No. I had.
She : Where did she go?
Me : She Ransomware.


Found an old, dead mosquito in a storage box. You guys want to try and make a Jurassic Park?


Giraffe: That’s the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen!
[5 min later]


‘maybe the world wasn’t ready for pizza perfume’ i thought to myself as i hid in a dumpster, watching the townspeople try to eat each other


Sorry to bang on about this but the lack of references to penguins in the Bible is undermining my faith


When she says she needs more intimacy; she means your feelings, not your colonoscopy report.