Hi 911, I’d like to report a drunk naked guy blasting off truck nuts w/ a shotgun. Time of incident? [takes drink] In about 20 minutes lol
Knowing is half the battle. The other half is choosing the right pokemon.
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Batman (1989): An orphan fights a clown
horse prosecutor: did you do it?
horse defendant: neigh
horse prosecutor: here, have some water and think again
horse defense attorney: objection! leading the witness!
Feeling sad because my hamster died… Well he’s not ‘technically’ dead yet, but I ran out of food so it’s really just a matter of days.
Bikini season is just around the corner, unfortunately so is Dairy Queen. 🙄
If a cougar left her teeth next to my bed in a glass of water was that a tip? Do I have to change the water? Do I feed them like goldfish?
“Why KFC calling you at 1:36am?
I always watch The Shining with family around Christmas time to remind them what happens if we spend too much time together.
Make your day more fun by going up to a stranger and asking “Hey, how have you been since the amnesia?”