WARDEN: any last words
ME: come closer
WARDEN: *leans down* yes?
ME: *whispering* never gonna give you up never gonna let you down
(B) (O) (R) (N)
(W) (I) (T) (H)
(T) (O) (O) (O)
(M) (A) (N) (Y)
(H) (A) (N) (D)
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Friend: wanna do a Boston marathon with me?
Me: is that on Netflix?
I’m not sure if this snake is trying to ask me a question or if he’s just eaten a candy cane.
*ref throws flag*
Ref: *zebra noises*
Zebra at home: *nodding* Good call good call
Me carrying around all the patience I have today x
my wife: [hand on coffin] I just miss you so much
me: let me out then
Roses are red
Violets are lovely
The fastest way to anyone’s heart
Is a left lateral thoracotomy
ME: I was just stung by a WASP.
FRIEND: Are you hurt?!
ME: Yes, she said my hair is dry, and my handbag should be on a hobo’s stick.
The first bird to chew food for her kids was probably just trying to leave for work on time.