Kudos to dogs for enduring seven 2018s

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doctor: here’s your x-ray
me: ew I look ugly in this one delete it take another


my son and I accidentally ended up on different teams in laser tag and every time I shot him he said “wow” in a dramatic disappointed voice


Beast: I’ll be like this until someone loves me for who I am

Ugly girl: I’ll love you for who you are

Beast: not you, someone attractive. So I really learn my lesson


I love how you changed “Conclusions” to “Learnings” in my PowerPoint. Any other made-up words I should add?


Fun Fact: When the bartender asks if you want two or three fingers, he isn’t always talking about the liquor.


Badminton implies the existence of Goodminton and Alrightminton.


Hot mothers in your area want you to text them to let them know you got home ok.


im about to go on a date. im sure it will be perfectly normal and wont go viral or anything…


Dig one moat around your house and everyone’s all “you’re being unreasonable” and “where did you get the alligators”