@poutycorpse

Kudos to dogs for enduring seven 2018s

You Might Also Like

@pleatedjeans

doctor: here’s your x-ray
me: ew I look ugly in this one delete it take another

@alshipley

my son and I accidentally ended up on different teams in laser tag and every time I shot him he said “wow” in a dramatic disappointed voice

@bewgtweets

Beast: I’ll be like this until someone loves me for who I am

Ugly girl: I’ll love you for who you are

Beast: not you, someone attractive. So I really learn my lesson

@MeetingBoy

I love how you changed “Conclusions” to “Learnings” in my PowerPoint. Any other made-up words I should add?

@onelongbender

Fun Fact: When the bartender asks if you want two or three fingers, he isn’t always talking about the liquor.

@IamPhartacus

Badminton implies the existence of Goodminton and Alrightminton.

@thepunningman

Hot mothers in your area want you to text them to let them know you got home ok.

@mattvbrady

im about to go on a date. im sure it will be perfectly normal and wont go viral or anything…

@TasiaBass28

Dig one moat around your house and everyone’s all “you’re being unreasonable” and “where did you get the alligators”