Right now, somewhere in China, someone is wokking their dog
Kylo Ren: I will finish what you started
Me (running relay race): dude just take the baton
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Joseph: I swear I just heard the wind call your name
Mary: um, that was probably…god
Joseph: God sounded a lot like our neighbor Jeff
[having heart attack] HELP…CAN’T…MOVE
ME: Dude, are you ok?!
ME: Oh, sorry!! Doctor, are you ok?!
I admire goats because I also eat garbage and scream at people
my boss said “why is your shirt untucked” and I said “bc my pants are tucked into my shirt” and now i’m the sales manager
After seeing some of the names on kids these days, you wonder if their parents were going all in for the Triple Word Score.
If by raw food you mean cookie dough, then yes, I love raw food.
My doctor is always whispering to me something about not sticking Q tips in my ears. I need a louder doctor
“What do we want?”
“When do we want them?”