Don’t panic. Keanu Reeves is going to put on a sick leather coat and save us all any minute now
Ladies, if he:
-Disappears once a month
-Goes through phases
-Make you feel crazy
-Is drifting away
-Has a dark side
-Controls the tides
That’s not your boyfriend. It’s the moon.
You Might Also Like
911: what’s your emergency
me: i think a girl gave me a fake number
911: omg who answered when you called it
me: you did
Honestly why do I bother attempting this shit
I would like a warm hound please
A flaming puppy
“Do you want a hot dog, ma’am?”
Yes. A scorching pooch
THIS IS THE COPS, COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP
WE WON’T ASK AGAIN
Ok guys, let’s go. We can’t ask again
Me: My heart is full.
Cardiologist: Yes, that’s the problem.
The only thing longer than a minute left on the microwave is a minute on the treadmill.
Oh I thought it was wait 30 YEARS after eating before you exercise.
It took years for my gf to get me to put down the toilet seat. Though, I really don’t know why I was carrying it around in the first place.
Take Note: a stress ball can be used for throwing at people who stress you out..