I got an email from Olga. She thinks I’m sweet & “longs for finding a special person for serious relations”. So there’s always that.
Ladies, if he’s
– always giving you one-word responses
– unsupportive when you’re visibly upset
– coming over unannounced in the middle of the night
– faintly tapping at your chamber door
He’s not your man. He’s the Raven, nothing more.
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I don’t like snakes, but “Diarrhea on a Plane” would be a lot scarier.
*judge bangs gavel*
Ok let’s reconvene after a quick 20 min recess
*immediately knocks over defense attorney to get to the slide first*
Therapist: we need to work on YOU taking responsibility for YOUR actions
Me: *pulls a flask out* WHO PUT THIS IN MY PURSE?
According to WebMD, I either have the Ebola virus or I just sat on my car keys :/
I now know that no matter how happy you are it’s not always the right time to clap your hands and show it.
Mother in Law’s funeral taught me that.
*watching horror movie where young couple moves into new house & scary things happen* This is unrealistic they could never afford this house
Mad cow disease wears off and eventually you’re just tired with a cow disease.
I lost my virginity once and lemme tell you…
Wow, 5 years ago we had Steve Jobs and Neil Armstrong. Now we have no jobs and no arms.