@PimpBillClinton

Ladies, the word for the day is “legs.” Spread the word.

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@Piecezilla

The weatherman said it’s nice outside. I guess they don’t let him watch the rest of the news.

@AndreyasAsylum

My rabbits are hot and they aren’t happy about it. I’ve got hot cross buns.

I’ll see myself out.

@UnFitz

It’s such poor planning that “ninja” doesn’t have a least one silent letter.

@badbanana

It’s not Christmas until I see Snoopy eating 37 human femurs.

@AnkCoupleTO

1st Anniversary: Let’s go to Vegas

5th Anniversary: Get a sitter so we can go to dinner

10th Anniversary: Russian roulette sounds like fun

@Darlainky

{Stalker Diary}
Went through his trash.
He buys the generic Fruit Loops. I remain committed. I find his frugalness irresistible.

@dafloydsta

I have no time for stupid people

But they sure do have time for me.

@kathradical

I got my first period during Shrek 2 live in theaters which means I entered Shrek 2 a child & left a woman

@BisHilarious

Called a restaurant to make a reservation but couldn’t think of the word so asked for a food appointment and now I can never show my face there again

@NourhanKheir

an advice to every dad,if you wanna see your children just turn the router off,they will suddenly appear.btw ur neighbor might come as well.