@CanadianBeave13

LADIES!

LIFE HACK: How To Get Rid Of Bags Under Your Eyes

1. Get a raw potato, wash it & peel it. Cut it into slices.

2. Place in a frying pan with butter, salt/pepper, onions & bacon.

3. Go online, order concealer while eating your fried potatoes. Win-Win.

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@Vice_Queen

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Don’t forget to take a jacket, it might get cold.

~ My mom.

@ActualPerson084

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@Token_Geezer

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It doesn’t need doing but it’s a legitimate way of annoying the kids

@JillianKarger

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@TheAlexNevil

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Restaurant Host: Makes sense, we have a C rating

@JennyJohnsonHi5

Snoop Dogg changed his name to Snoop Lion and says he’s Bob Marley reincarnated, proving you can actually overdose on marijuana.

@welfarehoe

“YOU WANNA TAKE THIS OUTSIDE!?” I yell to my husband as I hand him the trash.

@lawyerthoughts

Just when I think I’m 100% against the death penalty, I see a bright yellow hummer taking up two parking spots.

@balmthreat

My 72 year-old mother just informed me she is going to her first “sex party” and doesn’t know what to bring.

After some delicate questioning, “Gender Reveal, Mom. It’s called a Gender Reveal.”