@OtherDanOBrien

[Lady is being robbed]
“Help, Social Media Man!”
[Social Media Man swoops in & creates a facebook page called Mugging Is Bad]

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@Marlebean

Kids whispering in other room: “Hey do you dare me to…”

Me: NO!

@3sunzzz

[lunch date]

“I’ll have a salad.”

Narrator: Ursula then returns home and eats Fritos, Cool Whip and what appears to be leftover meatloaf.

@BoweKnows

Do lady dolphins ever get tattoos of 19-yr-old community college students?

@flashember

a firefly accidentally calling one of the stars in the night sky “mom” lol like how embarassing

@simoncholland

I hate when someone is on the machine right next to me at the gym and I feel pressured to share these cheese fries.