Me: What’s with the look?
Hub: How would you like a full-service massage?
Me: I would, but will you and the kids be okay while I’m gone?
Lake Superior really needs to lose the attitude.
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Took my 3rd self-defense class, so if anyone feels like attacking me straight on, very slowly, w/ a fake knife in their right hand, BRING IT
waiter: how would you like your steak cooked
me: i’d love it
I like how liquor stores wrap booze bottles in complimentary barf bags.
I’m sorry to hear your uncle was run over by a boat in Venice. My gondolences.
Just failed a captcha test. Hell of a way to discover you’re a robot
You are not truly drunk until you have a jar of peanut butter in your hand and your looking for the dog
May my enemies all have to walk several miles in wet jeans
But that’s none of my business
Cashier: “Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of shit?”