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@InternetHippo: "The ship is sinking!" Me (calmly): bring me noodles, tomatoes, and cheese "You can save us with that?" Me (making one last lasagna): what
@eudaimonium: Those who carry teensy cute purses shouldn't throw stones at those who wear cargo shorts, because I can carry more stones.
@UnFitz: [first date] Her: So what do you do? Him: I'm a scientist. Her: Cool. What kind? Him: Mad. *electrical storm begins outside*
@LucTabone: #IAmHonoredBy my 12 year old telling me he needs me. He wanted a new gadget of course but the thought was there.