What I’ve learned from Dateline:
1. A hit man is surprisingly cheap and they almost always take payment plans.
2. Random murders are rare.
3. One should keep a missing photo file so the news has all your “good” photos.
5. The husband totally did it.
What’s that girl? Timmy’s in the old well?
L: Arf arf
He’s dead? You sure?
Okay here’s a check for $5K
L: ima need cash
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4 YO: Mom, Can you help me open this?
Me: Yeah, in a minute
4 YO: Ok. Alexa, set a one minute timer
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When women get to a certain age they start accumulating cats. This is known as the many paws.
Next time my 5 y/o says “Daddy, guess what?”, I’m going to refuse to let her continue until I can actually guess, even if it takes 7 years.
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Isn’t that precious?
No. He’s 20.
If you watch Benjamin Buttons backwards it’s very confusing bc you can’t understand what people are saying
If something happened to me today, my legacy would be how much my kids say “like”