No one girl should have all that power. 😂
Last night I did Crossfit for the first time and now I understand why those people always look so angry.
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My favorite Jobs:
Dr: You have palpitations
Me: You mean my heartbeat’s off?
Dr: Hearts can’t beat off HAHAHAHA
Me: HAHAHAHAHA- [goes into cardiac arrest]
Took the batteries out of the carbon monoxide alarm because the loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy.
Husband: [sends text] We need to break up.
Wife: [sends text] WTF!
Husband: [sends text] Sorry. That was meant to go to someone else.
And if I die before I wake I pray a virus my phone to take.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
robber: alright this is a robbery
dad: no this is a bank
robber: damnit dad not now
you knew the backstreet boys were actually friends because when the one boy asks if hes “sexual” the rest of the boys all agree that he is
[ER Triage Room]
NURSE: So what brought you in tonight?
GUY WITH NAIL IN HEAD: My ‘98 Toyota Corolla, but I don’t see how that’s important right now