@HollyHeals: Laughter is the best medicine........unless you have Morphine. Then Morphine is the best medicine.
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@deardilettante: Him: why doesn't anyone want me? Me: I want you. Him: why doesn't anyone else want me?
@RunOldMan: One of the most unforgivable sins is spilling your coffee because you're texting while driving.
@puppy_eggs: It's wrong! If gay marriage is legal who will stop me marrying this painting of a horse. This majestic painting. Who will stop me kissing it
@david8hughes: [boxing match] Commentator: Silva is in the red shorts with green, white & yellow trim Me: the black guy. Just say Silva is the black guy