*running from cops*
Me: hey wait hold up if we’re gonna do this i really should be wearing my fitbit
Cop: yeah me too good idea
Washing – 30 min
Drying – 1 hour
Putting away – 7 to 10 days
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me at five am: should i sleep for two hours or stay up
me at now am: Did my coworker just say “email” or “bee jail”. what did the bee do
me: How long are you going to keep throwing that in my face?!
Netflix: Because you watched “The Wedding Planner”
Her: ‘We should have another kid.’
Me: *puts on Teletubbies marathon*
‘Say that again in 6 hours.’
Me:(Standing on a Bosu Ball at bootcamp) No one tells us what to do.
Trainer(rolling eyes) Rene, get down. You asked me to teach this.
Live a little, ask her “are ya done?” while she’s still yelling at you.
Dove chocolate tastes way better than their soap.
If two cannibals fight
Does that make it a food fight?
All firemen must dread the moment when they’re done for the day and have to find the strength to climb back up the pole.
*donates body to science*
Science: “I have a boyfriend”