@NicolaJSwinney: Leaflet through the door telling me I can enjoy sex at 75. Which is handy, because I live at number 81.
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@XplodingUnicorn: 6-year-old: *finds a picture she drew* Why was this in the trash? Me: 6: Me: It was too good. I didn't want to make your sisters jealous.
@ChipKellysBalls: Jehovah's Witnesses door-to-door success rate would be a lot higher if they partnered up with the Girl Scouts & started selling cookies ...
@WilliamAder: My wife is visiting her mother this weekend, so the cat and I are smoking cigars and playing poker.