I understand why there were reindeer named Dasher, Dancer and Prancer, but how did Vixen earn her name. What is Santa hiding
Learning karate in case I’m ever attacked by cinder blocks and wood planks.
You Might Also Like
I feel bad for all these athletes training for the Olympics in 2016 since we’re all gonna die in 2012
Google+ is starting to sound like a half-way house for people that aren’t phony enough for Facebook but aren’t edgy enough for Twitter.
mom: I’m not your friend I’m your mother!
[20 years later]
mom: why won’t you accept my friend request on FB? I’m your mother
JUDGE: your word is “bananas”
GWEN STEFANI: oh hell yes
Friend: I can’t sleep.
Me: Have you tried putting your phone down?
Friend: Then how will I complain that I can’t sleep?
*running from the cops at night* DAMN THESE LIGHT-UP SHOES.
Spaghetti, because you didn’t like that shirt anyways
Me: Got any 7s?
Wife: Go fish
Me: *returns from Bering Strait a changed man* I watched the sea take my best friend to his grave. Got any 3s?
Sorry I yelled “pull” when you released doves at your wedding.