@Maxine12333

‘Leave no stone unturned’ is good advice if you’re looking for something that crawls out from under rocks.

You Might Also Like

@UncleDuke1969

Looks like someone’s been slipping steroids into Garfield’s lasagna again.

@cornlog

So rude of Ashton Kutcher to file divorce papers right before Demi Moore’s 150th birthday.

@RandomRamblr

Guys who resent their friends for not sharing their hair products are gel less.

@david8hughes

[laser tag]
Instructor: Dude, you’re not gonna run out of ammo
Me [strapping bayonet to the end of gun]: let’s just agree to disagree

@GrantTanaka

First man discovered fire. Then he invented the wheel. Then there was, like, 500 years where he just kept setting the wheel on fire.

@minkpinkustink

I’ve reached a tipping point in life where my interest in baked goods is greater than my interest in men and I’m calling this new chapter doughs before bros

@Ideal_Victoria

[during sex]
Him: it’d be nice if you were a little more enthusiastic
Me: *pulls out giant foam finger*

@ThugRaccoons

Me: Guys, enough with the trash talk. Who called this meeting?

7 raccoons on Zoom:

@RealLucasNeff

The ocean isn’t shark-infested. It’s the ocean. That’s where sharks live. We aren’t supposed to be there. Humans infest the ocean.