It will turn green in
Ah yes nailed it.
GF: You okay to drive?
Me: I’m fine.
GF: You FEEL okay, but what would you blow?
M: 2 guys, tops.
You Might Also Like
In my opinion Scotland should be independent, otherwise Mel Gibson died for nothing
Lot of big talk about using time machines for murder by people who do no murdering at all in the here and now.
british cooking shows: tell us about this wee tart youve made, the crust is just lovely
american cooking shows: we’ve replaced your knives with philips head screwdrivers & released raccoons in the kitchen. the clock is set for 30 seconds, please bake us peace in the middle east
Ice, ice, baby. Ice, ice, baby. – Me taking inventory at the cryogenic infant storage facility.
Nothing is worse than having a cranberries song stuck in your head, in your head, in your heeeeeeeeeeaaaad zombie zombie zombie eee eee
[toddler birthday party]
Stranger: my child is 36 months old. how old is yours?
Me: hey babe, I hurt my toe in the bouncy house. can you drive to the ER so I can eat my cake?
Wife: -432 months.
My wife said “vase” wrong so I corrected her and now we know that it can just barely fit over my head.
Daenerys Targaryen is basically one of those people that thinks they’re a parent because they have a dog.