[sketchy parking lot]
stranger: hey man, can you jump my car?
me: maybe if i get a running start
[leaving parents’ house]
HER: I thought you said your dad had one leg.
ME: Ya he also has another one.
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[in heaven after crucifixion]
jesus: “they were horrible dad, im pleased im not going back there”
god: [rubbing his neck] “see the thing is”