@simoncholland: Based on all the white smoke billowing out, I think my lawn mower just picked a new pope.

@ItsAndyRyan: Decaf means something is very, very Dec.

@Reverend_Scott: Dinosaur 911: what's ur emer- Dinosaur: I'M BEING ATTACKED BY A GIANT SNAKE Dinosaur 911: same color as you? Dinosaur: YES Dinosaur 911: is it your own tail? Dinosaur: ok, you're gonna laugh

@flashember: imagine being a tree. just imagine it. imagine the good times (wind gently blowing your leaves); imagine the tough times (wind roughly blowing your leaves). imagine the ok, so-so times (there's no wind)

@WilliamRodgers: "I don't get why our troops need to wear camouflage, when they could just wear glasses..." -Superman