Lecturer: The human body is made up of 60% water
Me: Oh god…
Lecturer: *rolls eyes* What is it now?
Me: [drowning somehow] I CAN’T SWIM
You Might Also Like
I saw an image of Jesus in my breakfast burrito. I asked myself, what would Jesus do? And so I ate him. Two hours later… Holy Shit!
Can’t find your children? Try turning off the wifi. They appear suddenly.
I was in a very bad mood today. Then my 3 year old walked over, handed me a rock, patted my face and said “mommy, you’re perfect, here’s a present for you”. And I smiled.
And then I realized the rock was a cat turd.
[after drug rehab]
Jon Arbuckle: Hey Garfield
Garfield: *normal cat noises*
YALL FEMALES ARE THE DEVIL
I print everything at work because I’m not a multimillionaire who has a printer with ink at home
*decides to workout*
*lays on ground to do sit-up*
*find skittle on ground*
Nice try, private caller. I don’t answer the phone if I know you either.
You had me at ‘I’ve had 8 vodkas & I hate my boyfriend’