My signature move is not caring which one yours is.
LEGALIZE MEDICINAL MURDER
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I have an inferiority complex about my superiority complex.
I know I’m better than you, but I feel really bad about it.
Why do some people call it a “tuna-fish” sandwich? It’s not like anyone calls it a “chicken-bird” sandwich.
Ever since those 2 weeks in 2008 when no one noticed I was missing, I won’t go into a corn maze without a machete.
Our sport needs a name
“Does it use a ball?”
No it’s more of an oblon–
“Do u move it with ur foot?”
No it’s mostly thro–
My favorite part of The Nun Is when the priest goes “You’re gonna need a bigger nun.”
“SIRI, WHERE’S THE REMOTE?”
“SIRI, BRING ME A BEER!”
“SIRI, WHERE’S MY DINNER?”
Wife: “She’s either deaf, or had sex with you too.”
“The powder |
“The power |
“The power of Cheese |
“The power of Ch|
“The power of Christ compels you!”
– The AutocorrExorcist
“There’s plenty of fish in the sea” is just something people say because you’re going to be alone. Fishing is something you can do alone.
casting spells in the morning: I use my amulet
casting spells in the afternoon: I use my pmulet