Nothing much worse than being forced to listen to someone else’s music and not be able to tell them their taste is shit.
Let me tell you how you lost this game according to these rules I’ve just made up.
-Kids when you play board games together.
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[first day as a server]
me: how would u like your steak
person: well done
me: thank you that’s so kind it’s my first day & i’m very nervous
My left ovary feels sore… like it was working out? I guess I’d say it’s
What is your dream car and why?
Minivan, because the sliding door <joining in> MAKES IT EASIER FOR DRIVE-BY BAZOOKA ATTACKS
*points at everything*
I’d hit that.
Today sucked so much it featured a guest verse from Pitbull
*Throws Pizza party
*Gather All the pizza’s
*Kicks everyone out.
check in attendant: are you flying alone?
me: I’ll probably need a pilot
After 17 years I can say with authority that the key to a long marriage is being too lazy to get up off the couch and set your spouse on fire
*goat walks into a bar
*bartender sets down a beer coaster
*goat eats it
goat: Hit me again.